Tory trade envoy troubles

Liz Truss, cheese afficionado and pork markets fan – will she ever be remembered for anything else? Has today announced ten brand new trade envoys to represent Britain and promote our exports and our interests. Truss might be the most popular Tory politician – God only knows why – but she’s never been known for being the brightest. Perhaps that’s unfair, perhaps she’s picked some real experts here, some real professionals in this field, after all her boss Johnson signed off on them all. So who has she appointed then? Who are these trade experts? Oh dear Liz…you were better off with the cheese…

Liz Truss the Secretary of State for International Trade and never one to shy away from bigging up even the smallest deal has today announced 10 brand new trade envoys to help open up new trade links, promote our produce and big up Great Britain post Brexit. All sounds rather positive doesn’t it! So who are these booming economies we’re sweet-talking with these new faces?

Let’s start with Australia and you can imagine Liz Truss thinking what are we famous for in Australia, what do they love about us and came up with cricket. They don’t love us for cricket, they love us for losing against them at cricket. So rather than appoint anyone with familiarity with Australian economics, she appointed a cricketer, who also just happens to have joined the vermin in ermine in the House of Lords in 2020, becoming Baron Ian ‘Beefy’ Botham of Ravensworth. Although he sits as a crossbencher, Botham was vocally pro-Brexit which is all the qualification he surely needs. What part of cricketer training, what conversations in the clubhouse concern economics and trade relations? Weren’t the Tories implying sportsmen should stick to what they know? They told Marcus Rashford he had no business sticking his nose into things that didn’t concern him when he strove to feed kids during the holidays when the Tories would rather they starved, what could qualify this millionaire footballer after all, other than growing up poor himself! He had life experience, Botham has none regarding trade. The Tories really do need to make up their minds – can sportsmen make good politicians? Yes or no?

Ghana next, and who have the Tories carefully selected? Former Labour MP – and by the fact she’s taken the Ian Austin weasel route into the Tories grace and favour, you can tell that’s where she really belongs – Kate Hoey. Yes, screamingly pro Brexit cheerleader, another life peer to the House of Lords and Irish white woman Kate Hoey. Was there any real desire to have someone with something remotely in common with Ghana appointed to this post? I mean she was certainly one of the loudest voices for Brexit, she even got on a boat with Nigel Farage so perhaps she was owed a favour? I’m not sure what the Ghanaians did to deserve her though. She can bring her political experience of cutting her nose off to spite her face, wanting to hunt small wildlife and demand all cyclists be registered I suppose. Have they even heard of her over there?

Sir Geoffrey Donaldson MP is off to Cameroon – he’s a DUP MP, Brexit patsies that they were for the Tories and it seems they just can’t help still cosy up to them after the way they were shafted and what is it with the Tories sending the Irish to Africa, or do you have to be Irish AND bigoted? Have they left Dominic Raab to sort this out? He does know Ireland isn’t over there right? Donaldson apparently is already trade envoy to Egypt, so apparently he’s got enough time for this as well which is remarkably reassuring that we’re clearly getting some massive trade going on there if he’s got time to do both.

Current Tory MP Conor Burns is off to Canada – an Irishman not heading for Africa, well there’s a change, though no doubt his constituents in Bournemouth will be delighted to see their MP working for them on the other side of the Atlantic! The joys of living in a Tory safe seat – you don’t matter. Another brexiteer, so a shoe-in for a trade envoy job, but this ais a guy who was forced to resign as minister of state for trade policy just last year for being found guilty by the parliamentary standards commissioner for threatening to expose a member of the public using parliamentary privilege. He got suspended from parliament for 7 days, so this very much looks like your typical Tory rewards for bad behaviour when they think we’ve stopped looking. We see you. Sorry Canada, you’ve drawn a short straw.

Another Tory MP, Mark Eastwood is off to Pakistan and you’ve guessed it, he’s a brexiteer, he’s white and I’m not sure how fluent his Urdu might be! He has been to Pakistan once as part of an all party delegation though, so he does at least know where it is. He was a new intake MP for 2019, a red wall Tory, so there’s little else to be said, but then there doesn’t seem to be much needed to qualify anyone for these roles.

David Mundell, for some time the lone Tory MP in Scotland has been appointed trade envoy to New Zealand, so at least they got a politician and not a sportsman, though the question needs to be asked given he’s being sent from plague island, will they even let him in – do catch my recent article on New Zealand going into lockdown again off the back of a single new COVID case. There’s an irony sending a Scottish unionist to an island that gained its independence from Britain and has been successful – he doesn’t think that’s possible you see.

Another Tory MP, Marco Longhi, he who replaced a cowardly Ian Austin who had stood down as an MP rather than face defeat. Of course the Tories then gave the snivelling rodent an ermine overcoat, showing he was never really Labour to begin with. Longhi is off to Brazil. He’s lived there, he speaks Portuguese, you could almost think there was logic to this choice, if we hadn’t already run through a bunch of absolute howlers, but Longhi is a Tory after all, owning numerous properties and had accused the National Trust of being woke and appropriating cultural Marxism, which is a known racist trope. He’ll no doubt get on brilliantly with Jair Bolsonaro.

Stephen Timms is off to Switzerland and Liechtenstein, famous between them for chocolate and false teeth, so the more of one they can push on us, the more we’ll need the other! He’s a remainer and Labour MP so how did he sneak through, though perhaps the question ought to be, why on Earth is a currently serving opposition MP taking a role from the governming party, because that’s just taking the piss and makes Labour look even more of a failure in the opposition department than it already is.

Felicity Buchan has been appointed as a trade envoy to Norway and Iceland, who is the current MP for Kensington, having replaced the excellent Emma Dent Coad and therefore inheriting the ongoing, unresolved mess of Grenfell, I’m sure her constituents will be delighted that she’s sodding off to Scandinavia, though given she voted against the Labour amendment to the Fire Safety Bill intended to implement the recommendations of the first phase of the Grenfell Tower Enquiry, they’re probably more than well aware she doesn’t give a shit. A former banker, her only qualification to this role appears to be the fact she’s Scottish and therefore comes from the bit of Britain closest to Norway and Iceland.

Lastly there’s Lord Walney, there’s an innocuous, name, but it’s bloody John Woodcock. A former Labour MP who took a Tory peerage – funny so many of these have been former Labour MP’s, its almost as if the Labour Party is led by people who don’t really belong in it doesn’t it! He left the Labour Party let’s not let him forget coincidentally whilst a sexual harassment investigation into him was taking place. He was Ian Austin’s sidekick and fellow Corbyn basher and stood up publicly declaring what a danger Corbyn was to society and advocating for people to vote Tory. Yeah. That worked out well. He and Austin got their peerages for services rendered, but don’t think he’s satisfied yet, he’s a co-owner of the Jewish Chronicle.

Well he’s been appointed trade envoy to Tanzania. Whilst this country suffers, the people he purported to represent he has utterly betrayed for his own ends and he’s still cashing in. I can only apologise in advance to the people of Tanzania, I had no idea the Tories hated you this much.

So we have a list of ten trade envoys, many with no experience in trade whatsoever, all on the gravy train to some extent or another, despite 50% of these nations being majority non-white, 100% of all the trade envoy’s are white. 80% of them are male and 70% of them were pro Brexit.

Liz Truss and Boris Johnson aren’t interested in getting trade deals, I doubt they’re bothered whether any of these people succeed or fail, these are pats on the back, these are golden handshakes, these are rewards for loyalty and services rendered and when we’re paying for all of this, all whilst the Tories cut to ribbons our quality of life, all while our cost of living goes up, we should all be very, very pissed off at this.

Cornish Damo provides this site and its content free of charge, but in order to continue doing so, to continue to rant and write and tell it like it is, impartially, independently and free of outside influence, your donations are essential. If you can afford to do so without hardship, please consider supporting my work via one of the options on the support us page.

Thank you for your solidarity and for supporting alternative media holding power and the mainstream media to account.

Support the RNLI, don’t allow Patel to criminalise them.

The RNLI. They keep us safe, from our day at the seaside, or out for a sail to being on scene at the worst of shipping disasters. Down here in the South West with our massive coastlines, they are an intrinsic part of our communities, they have earned our utmost respect, they should command everyone’s respect. These brave men and women who are prepared to risk their lives to save the lives of others unconditionally. They volunteer for this. The RNLI itself relies solely on charity in order to perform its duties. There is no government money for them, they perform essential duties that no UK government has ever seen fit to fund, so they rely on us, via donations, for their entire existence.

For them to come under assault, be it verbal or otherwise is disgusting, but it comes about as a result once more of our rabidly right wing media and the disgrace for a government we’re currently enduring.

You see, the RNLI won’t discriminate. If someone is in trouble in the water, they’ll rescue them. It’s what they do. They value the sanctity of life and are prepared to risk their own to uphold that and that includes migrants.

Yes migrants. Nigel Farage fodder and our twisted government in the form of Home Secretary Priti Patel saw fit to bring a Bill to parliament, the Nationality & Borders Bill, which, if passed, criminalises asylum seekers. Now the knuckle draggers with bacon complexions will be snorting with joy at such a move, the sort of people who have no idea what the RNLI do, yet see fit to tell them how to do their job. The abusive simpletons who will never appreciate the value of this service unless they one day find themselves in need of it. Farage himself has called the RNLI a ‘taxi service for illegal immigration’, so is it any wonder the racist dipshits of this country are turning on them?

See the thing is anyone coming across in a dinghy or worse and finding themselves in trouble, the RNLI will rescue them. I mean, wouldn’t you? A boat with people of all ages, young, old, in trouble, the people on it certain to drown if you don’t do something? Unless you’re utterly sociopathic you would do something. If this Bill passes, and it’s already passed second reading now, anyone, from the passing fisherman to the RNLI lifeboat crew potentially face years of imprisonment if they don’t stand by and let them drown. Imagine if this happened back during the Holocaust, to the Kindertransport? Instead of being regarded justifiably as a hero, Sir Nicholas Winton would’ve been arrested! People seeking asylum are often from war-torn, dangerous places. Why else would they risk their lives covering enormous distances and dangerous terrain to get here, if here is their choice?

Why can’t they enter legally? You might ask. Well there are no legal routes left. The government has closed them all. Besides, calling it illegal entry doesn’t make their asylum claim any different, because anyone can claim asylum here and their presence is perfectly legal until such time as a decision is made on their application. By removing legal routes, they have caused the endangerment of these desperate people. The RNLI are mitigating the worst outcomes of this mess of the governments own making! This Bill is just another racist piece of legislation from a government renowned for it. They’ve just handed France £54m for an extra 100 migrant police on their side to try and reduce the numbers of boats coming here. Bear that in mind when our 3% nurses pay rise will end up being paid for by cuts to health services elsewhere.

Once here, they can legally claim asylum, so our government response is ‘stop them making it’, even if that means they die. Meanwhile our at sea, self-funded rescue service get called everything under the sun for daring to do their job and refusing to let people die.

They tell us it’ll hit people traffickers, but it doesn’t. It weakens alternatives to the traffickers who will just find more dangerous ways of trying to get people here.

Attacking vulnerable people, preventing them seeking asylum here any way they can, even to the point they’re prepared to criminalise a rescue organisation they don’t even see fit to fund for all our benefit, that has to fund itself. We’re led by the very worst of us, but I challenge anyone to think they can keep on sailing past a boat load of people, leaving them to drown. You wouldn’t sleep at night.

Support the RNLI if you can, consider it a subscription to giving two fingers to this racist legislation & the government pushing for it and the gammons abusing the service, but genuinely, they cannot do what they do without it.

Cornish Damo provides this site and its content free of charge, but in order to continue doing so, to continue to rant and write and tell it like it is, impartially, independently and free of outside influence, your donations are essential. If you can afford to do so without hardship, please consider supporting my work via one of the options on the support us page.

Thank you for your solidarity and for supporting alternative media holding power and the mainstream media to account.